The day began with physical therapy, and one of my very favorite things. Jim accompanied me to physical therapy to learn how to do this for me before we left for Wyoming. If I could have afforded to ship my physical therapist out here, I would have. She was way too expensive, and couldn't take the time off.
So after stretching myself out and applying warmth to my knee, Jim began the "range of motion" stretches. This involves my lying on my back with my ankle propped on a rolled up towel, my foot flexed so as to straighten out my knee as much as possible, NATURALLY. I still have a little bend to my knee after the procedure, and we are working to straighten it out. It must be straightened out!!
Standing over me, he massages the knee area, back and front for a time, and then clasps his hands together over my knee cap and slowly and firmly applies his bodyweight to my knee, pressing down until my knee is perfectly straight. Let me just describe how this feels as the knee structure stretches under the weight of someone who is PRESSING DOWN, HARD! No, nevermind.....I can't describe in words the pain as my knee is forced and held into the correct position. This is done three to four times. Lord have mercy!
Jim made lunches while I cried for a little while, and hurt, and hated him for a few minutes. He made me PB&J....extra PB so that it kind of oozes out like my grandmother once made for me. He felt really bad that he hurt me...but it has to be done! And we headed out for our hike today.
I have to say that last night, while we were waiting at the trailhead that is usually used for climbers climbing the Grand Teton and other peaks here, we met a group coming down from a climb. Carrying their ropes, carabiners, and all of their equipment, filthy dirty and scraped and cut in places, tousled and sunburned and energized, I remembered the days that I, too, would come back from a climb in this condition, but so pumped up with adrenaline from achieving a goal....the summit. NO matter how many times I took a group up, or made the climb with friends, it was always the same: A Rush. It was a RUSH to see these folks come down after a successful climb as the sun set and the day came to a close.
I have been walking a great deal since we arrived, on the flats of the valley; a paved trail that winds along the roads out in the sagebrush flats. Each day I have walked a little farther, picked up my pace, walking alongside the traffic on the road. I have made progress, but it leaves much to be desired. I am able to look up and see the mountain range, but something is missing.
There are two trails that wind along the lakes that I know I can walk, but my pride...my foolish pride....has kept me from leaving the paved bike trail and accessing these trails. I ditched my pride today and walked in the forest, following along the lakesides, no traffic to hear or see. These two trails are meant for those who cannot walk or hike the bigger trails to go high up into the mountains, as I have always done. These two trails I once scoffed at and would never even consider practice on them because of their ease. Now these are the trails I use because I can't do the climbs and hikes I once did right now! Jim points out every other sentence how this is now, but not forever.
We talked today about how, for the last three years, my health has made it impossible to live like I once did in these mountains and this valley. After the tumor was discovered in 2012, I came home that fall and was very very sick. No one wanted to remove that tumor; no surgeon would take the case. When I came here, we were waiting to see how the tumor would grow and change to even afford me the chance of surgery to remove it, or not. Everything I did that September of 2012 was the last time I would do it. Everyone I saw while here wept with me at the thought that that trip might be the last time I would come back to this valley alive. It was miserable and sad.
The tumor was successfully removed by a surgeon, the only one who stepped out. But in 2013 I was still too weak and in too much pain to do much of anything when I came back to this valley. I did very little, but I came back here and I loved every minute, and everyone so much. There was so much joy! I was so grateful to God for bringing one surgeon who was willing to take that tumor away.
This summer, the knee surgery that we knew was coming has taken my ability to do much of anything once again. Once we came into the valley, I felt the energy, but it is not real energy. It is energy in my head. It takes all of my energy and all of my strength to walk, to work out at the gym, to stand up for very long. I am amazed at how weak I am after the procedure in July. But we knew this...I just conveniently forgot how UNABLE I am. I never NAP.....I have to NAP....I never go to bed before 2 or 3 am....I can almost make it to midnight....I never sleep in until noon.....it is all I can do to get going.
We drove to the lake and hiked through the forest:
The last flowers and seedheads of fall along this simple trail of so much beauty...I didn't really know, but I did know!
We sat by the lake and had lunch. The breeze over the mountains blew in a little harder and with a little extra chill with the cold front coming in. The sun came and went
and we watched as kayakers went by....String Lake, a lake long and narrow and mostly calm and smooth and a place we love to kayak too....was slightly riffled by the wind today but cool, icy green and lovely
and Jim knew what I was thinking....another "thing" I cannot do right now, not because I can't paddle, but simply because I can't get in and out of the kayak....and he said:
Next year, you know it will be next year.....
We packed up lunch as the trail got crowded and noisy....Jim likes my monastic style of quiet and listening...and "Hiked" back to the car.... I like to use that word instead of "walked". And as we drove back to the cabin after this elegant day in the forest by the lake, God showed me that indeed, I have come a long way in three long years of health challenges. I'm not hiking paved surface alongside the road, I'm hiking on gently rolling forest trails, and eating peanut butter and jelly while sitting by a beautiful lake. SIMPLE! I might be watching kayakers in 2014, but I pray God will have me in a kayak in 2015 paddling the different sections of String Lake. God has healed me and brought me a long way. He always does, and always has been there for me. Jim is in charge of reminding me daily when I get discouraged at all of these issues how far we have come from that first phone call telling me of an 8 inch tumor that was crushing me,
We turned up the road to the cabin, and began the drive along the way that has been closed due to a grizzly bear for 2 weeks. The road is open again, and we are encouraged until we come upon a large group of people running, cameras in hand and on shoulders, leaving their cars in place. What we fear is true...it is a bear, but not the grizzly, a black bear high in a tree, feeding on berries. Life is what it is, people can be so incredibly ridiculous, getting out of their cars and placing themselves at the foot of a hill where a very large black bear is feeding. You know that bear will not come down from the tree and maybe be a little bit upset at the huge crowd gathering below?! We drive on and stop at the ranger station at the top of the road just beyond our cabin. The ranger reports, and we go on, and the road is closed AGAIN!!!
Jim had a great birthday, encouraging and loving ME!
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